Gonna Find Love Again (Part 13)

"We never know what's wrong without the pain. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." The Fray.

The Fray are one of the few great groups who come up with great songs!
This post is long baby, real long. I hope you guys enjoy it. And your feedback means the world to me. Thanks for everyone who's been giving it and hopefully there will be more
<3

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I love him, too much. Why I don’t know, I know a lot of people would disapprove of him. But every conversation with him made me want so badly. You see I have this bad habit, it’s a habit that girls usually don’t have just guys. But apparently I have the honors of having it, I’m like an animal, hunger and when I want something I want it and I have needs that need to be satisfied. Sometimes I can’t control myself, if I don’t get dose of Hamad when I needed it, I find another way to satisfy myself, like casually flirt with friends. Or the best solution was talk to a close friend of mine called 3bdullah. I love 3bduallah and hate him. Depends. It’s a love and hate relationship. I know Haya and Jazi HATE HIM. I mean I kinda hate him sometimes bas I need a friend like him a GUY who’s cocky and so masculine. I swear I’ve never opened up to any guy as much as I opened up to 3bdallah and when I say I opened up, I mean to the extent I would discuss on how horny and I need a guy. Yeah I’m a bit too open with him. What can I say, its good therapy. Really. I love guys really LOVE THEM.

Okay back to my call with Hamad. Fdaita

Hamad: Lets skype.
Me: Why would we skype? I mean were talking right now.
Hamad: laa video too.
Me: la, I look like shit.
Hamad: I bet you don’t.
Me: I really do,
Hamad: Yallah baby 3shan
Me: FINE! Give me 5

I hung up.

What now? He wants to see me, Shit, I just noticed this would be the first time for him to see me. I thought I saw him and he saw him before, ugh that was the stupid damn dream. Ahhh! What am I gona do? Okay my hair looks good actually, wavy and glossy. I wear a V neck blouse, I always like to show a little skin in that area. Not cause of him, but if you ask anyone I know, I always show skin in that area. And most of the time I’m not doing it on purpose and notice a guys eyes there so cover it up. Or usually Haya would do the honors.
Thank god, I still have make up mnn the morning. See no one gets it when I leave my make up until before I sleep, well see now it came in handy. I just need a bit of my favorite cherry leballo and I’m ready to go.

I open Skype.

RING RING RING Jazzi RING RING RING

Me: JAZI GUESS WHAT?
Jazi: HAA SHNOO? ISHFEECH?
Me: I’m gona skype with Hamad now
Jazi: You talk to him on the phone and everything, why you telling me your skyping with him like it’s the first time your gona talk to him. Honey were passed that.
Me: UGH, If you wait for me to finish then maybe you would get why it’s different. Video this time
Jazi: btsween video call m3ah? No way!
Me: Oh now your interested? Yes. Inzain baklmich b3dain.
Jazi: laish? Oh yes yes ditch me for Hamad
Me: Love you, see you in school

I hung up.

Siighs.

Okay I’m ready; I open the iphoto thingy and look at how my image would appear to him. Hmm, I could look better but whatever. I try to find a better place for me with better lights, that takes about another 5 mins. Finally, I’m ready. I log in and find him there, should I call or should I let him call? UGH, I think were passed that he should call me first thing, I mean that’s so 10th grade. I call him and wait impatiently. Finally.

Hamad: aloo?
Me: hala, Hay Hamad?
Hamad: tsthblain?
Me: aloo? Alooo? Heellloo? I can’t seem to hear you? Alloo?
Hamad: Nelly adri inch tstm3eeni oo bas it7been itsween hal 7araka

A55. Astanses when he knows these little things about me. And you know what’s also so great about him sometimes I’d talk about something and he’d be like yeah I remember when we first talked you told me that oo madri shno. Oo ana I’d be like wow mshallah you remember? He was like yeah ana mo nafsich I forget everything. And then he’d always ask me when his birthday was, I mean it took me ages to remember when it was, I always tend to forget.

Me: Hamad?
Hamad: fdait hal 9oot, I love it when you say my name
Me: really? Well in that case, Hamad, Hamad, Hamad, Hamad, Hamad, Hamad, HAAAAMMMMAAAD!
Hamad: hahaha, 5ala9 bas bas!

I giggle like a little girl who’s been caught doing something wrong. I know how much he loves that, cause he just stays quiet and listen to me. Sometimes I’d randomly laugh like for 5 minutes straight, to the extent he’d start laughing at me. Always gets his mood, sometimes I do it cause I know he’s down and needs a bit of laugh.

Me: Inzain so are we done here?
Hamad: ift7i your web cam
Me: la
Hamad: 3ayal laish a7na on skype?
Me: bas chii .. asthbel m3ak. Open yours first
Hamad: yours first
Me: la yours
Hamad: laa inti awal
Me: Hamad I’M THE GIRL! LATDALA3 3AYAL .. MA7EB CHII AND YOU KNOW IT!
He starts laughing.
Me: GREAT WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT NOW? 3ALA DALA3IK?
Hamad: laa at you. Maynona
Me: SHNO MAYNONA? INTI MAYNON Y7MAR
Hamad: You’re my maynona

I stay quiet, my face turns redish. He’s so cute, abeeh 5ala9. I want him. I want him as my husband, I want our wedding. I want our kids. Damn, we’d have gorgeous kids seriously. Our genes together are sensational. I bet the process would be even more sensational and hot and everything. I want our honeymoon, where’d we go? Bahamas! Alaska and New York for a little shopping. I know how much he loves the places I had in mind, it wouldn’t be his first visit to the Bahamas, thanks to my stalking on facebook. We’d get a tan in the Bahamas and then go to Alaska for the cold weather and hot coco, and in New York we’d look all burnt and hot. Damn I want that so badly! I wanna laying in bed with us snuggling. I know he could give me everything but the thing is I don’t know if it’ll actually happen. I mean our relationship till now is an unknown, were not Boyfriend/Girlfriend and were not just friends. Were like friends with benefits but with a little feeling, who am I kidding? A lot of feeling, well from my side anyways. Shit, I forgot about Hamad and I’m having this conversation in my head.

Me: Hamad yallah open your web cam and lets get this over with, I’m bored.
Hamad: Inzain, madri shno warach il9ara7a
Me: int, waray holding me tightly and your face 3nd my neck and your just holding me.
Hamad: Well in that case, yallah lets finish ibser3a
Me: hahaha
When he opened his wedcam, I saw this tanned boy and him mtrabee3 with his boxers. Damn, boxers turn me on like crazy. And his golden legs, gorgeous! Gorgeous I tell ya!
Me: Y3ni g3dli m3a your boxers laish? Couldn’t put something decent on
Hamad: It’s just you, 3adi

Yeah, then he gives me a comment like that which is obvious he’s so comfortable with me like a friend. But you know what I liked what we had, I hate labels, I liked it being a mystery and all. The thing is once I solve the mystery with labels and all, I kinda get bored. I know that’s bad, but I mean what can I do? I just can’t seem to find that guy who always makes me coming back for more

RING RING RING Nawaf RING RING RING

What? Nawaf? Great timing, isn’t it?

Me: dgeega Hamad, Nawaf is calling

Hamad still can hear me, I didn’t have the time to put on hold cause I know Nawaf bsaker ibser3a oo I’m not bothered to call him.

I answer.

Me: ha?
Nawaf: ha? 7ad yreeb ygool ha? Ilnas ygoolon ilsalam 3lekom
Me: Ilsalam 3lekom Nawaf! Sha5barik? Sha5bark il3yal? Sh5bar il mara?
Nawaf: hahahha funny. *in a sarcastic tone*
Me: inzian whats up?
Nawaf: laa mafi shay bas mn zeman makalmtich fa I called to see how you were
Me: oh oh oh! Nawaf? That’s a shocker. I’m so flattered you have the time for me and not only your bo falla9 friends.

You see I liked Nawaf, I mean really liked him. I told him I liked him too. You know what he said? I just got out of a relationship and I just see you as friends. You know what happened after that? Barely talks to me, ignores me, very cold. I don’t get it, I was soo pissed at him. I still like him bas y3ni I had to keep it to myself for the sake of out friendships. I mean he was like my best guy friend. I loved him. It took a while for our friendship to pass the little incident. Actually he had to get over it, I was normal, very normal. Thank god it’s over tho.

Nawaf: yeah, sorry about that.
Me: Whatever I moved on. Y3ni you couldn’t handle it, what can one do?
Nawaf: oh come on I forgot about it, 5ala9 were passed it.
Me: okay. Look my mom needs me bas I’ll call you as soon as I’m done. K?
Nawaf: Okay. Bye

I hung up.

Me: Hamad?
Hamad: Listen to this

Do you hear me,
I’m talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I’m trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
I’m lucky, I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh
They don’t know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we have one more kiss
I’ll wait for you I promise you, I will.

Hamad: I’ll wait for you, 2, 3 years. Whatever it takes
At that moment I didn’t get what he meant. I just didn’t know what to think, see he says this stuff and expects me to get exactly what he means. Sighs. I’ll just call Mona later and ask her what it means.
Me: Inzain Hamad I gotta go, it’s like 5 pm and I need to read some material for school and I’m kinda behind as it is. Oo baroo7 ilgym ma3a Haya oo Jazi
Hamad: Okay 5ala9, take care of yourself okay?
Me: eeh okay. Byeeeeeeee
Hamad: bye.

I HATE IT WHEN HE TELLS ME TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! I don’t get it, he makes it seem like we won’t be talking or like months or something. Whatever. I’m calling Mona and asking her what the hell this boy means.

Me: Mona? Hamad ygooli ina he’ll wait for me, whatever it takes. WHAT DOES HE MEAN?
Mona: Nelly! I thought you ended with him! I mean you know in the end you’ll never actually marry him. Your family won’t allow it! I mean you’re just gona get hurt!

Mona was one of my closest cousins back in the day, due to certain events. We’re not so close.

Me: Mona! Don’t tell me this I’m gona get hurt crap! I get it! Bas it’s not fair everyone is loving oo ana g3ed chii sambala. Mayseer chi! I need my dose of love and hurt and all. I’m the one that’s gona get hurt not you. So just help me with this now and get it over with. Plus technically were just friends
Mona: Fine kafich. I don’t know what he means, y3ni its obvious he wants you and will wait for you.

I hate it when she used to make me feel bad. I mean what the hell? It’s my life, my decisions and sure help me get to the right track but don’t make me feel bad for my descisions.

Me: uffiie! 5ala9 look ana I have shit of reading. I’ll talk to you later
Mona: ee okay yallah bye. Nellyo, abii arweech fstan I wanna buy later. I wanna know what you think.
Me: ee okay inshallah. Later tho. Yallah bye
Mona: Byee

I hung up.

Uff after every convo, she always has to make me feel bad. I hate it. Why did I call her inzain? That’s I won’t call for advice anymore. Whatever.

I wore my gym clothes cause I didn’t wanna be late to the gym. I wore my favorite green 3-quarter pants and a black sleeveless shirt and my black and white comic hoodie.

One new message.

From: Sawsan

You know Nelly you can always come to me if you need anything. I’m always here for you. I’m sorry for the way I made you feel. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just surprised when Reem told me about this b7raini guy you talk to and he’s married. I couldn’t believe you kept something like that away from me. I just again wanna let you know I’m always here for you if you need anything.


That bitch Reem.


The Girl xx